This weekend was one of the best experiences I’ve had in a long time. I went to San Luis Obispo with my sorority sisters for our Spring Retreat, a time when we get to bond with our area sisters- 8 chapters from San Jose, San Francisco, Santa Cruz, Berkeley, Humboldt, Fresno, SLO, and Davis. On Friday when we arrived, we settled our stuff into respective rooms we got randomly put into, this way we can meet many of the baby neos, or new sisters, that we haven’t gotten a chance to meet or get to know as well as we wanted to. Then we proceeded to the living room where we were to have a family meeting and go over house rules and agenda for the weekend. After getting all the business out of the way, we were surprised with food, board games, pool, music, and even a keg. Being an academic sorority, not a social one, we rarely get a chance to relax and have fun despite the Greek stereotypes we see in the media or the gossip that goes around; so this retreat was well needed and deserved. We had a lot of fun talking with sisters, dancing, playing games so much so that we stayed up till 4 in the morning.
Four hours later, we were on our way on a hiking trail that would lead us to a beautiful beach. When we got there, the sight was amazing. Looking out to the vast sea, I found loosing myself to the peaceful mood Nature usually has on a person. Just as I was about to zone the world out, my mind started racing with thoughts on how much reading I needed to catch up on, how much time I was sacrificing to be here, how much I really needed to get back into shape, how much my love life sucks (since I’ve been in love with my friend for four years who doesn’t know it and yet we are friends with benefits so it makes it more complicated than desired), how much I missed my family, how much I wanted to sleep, and how much I wanted my mind to just shut the fuck up. I irritably turned away and went back to my sisters who wanted to take a group picture. Then we were on our way back to our cars and back to the house to carry on with the day’s surprises that our sisters had planned for us.
When I came back to Davis on Sunday, I was arranging my backpack and preparing for school the next day. As I was gathering my books, I noticed one that looked familiar but hadn’t seen in a while. It was my diary. I had not written in it for years. Reading some of those entries brought back some good memories and some bad, making me smile all the same. Writing in my diary was something I always tried to do on an occasional basis but never kept up with it for some reason or other. It could have been my lack of time, the cramping in my hand after writing for what seemed to be hours, or just being forgetful. I realized how much my moods changed, the way I thought in certain situations, and all the pitiful vows I took and never kept when something went wrong. “I should have kept writing. It would have covered so much more of my life.” So as I write this very first entry, I can say that I feel blogging would take me a step closer to loving myself more, understanding who I am, and expressing myself. Maybe then, just maybe, my mind would shut up when I most need it to.
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